Survivor: Hetalia
by Zahhak
Summary: It's Alfred vs. Ludwig in an intense, multichapter game of... SURVIVOR. -thunder booms-
1. Outwit, Outlast, Outplay

Author's note: Yeah, concepted around ... Christmas? I was honestly just writing and this is turning out to be one of my best works. -shot-

And don't complain because I used Native American tribes as tribal names. Seriously.

* * *

"Hello, konichiwa, hola, shalom, bonjour! Welcome to Survivor! More specifically, welcome to Fiji!" Rome grinned at the twenty-two contestants, who had been chatting happily among themselves for close to an hour until the new television host showed up. They learned a lot about each other which, some realized as the empire passed around a bag of colored stones used to determine teams, was probably not the brightest thing they had done in a while.

"Everyone have a stone?" The nations all nodded. "Excellent! Team leaders are the guys with the star carved in their rock." He smiled as two of the people strode forward. "Looks like Ludwig's going to be leading the Tutelo while Alfred's got the Saponi. All right guys, go get your things and follow me."

-/

- Alfred (America)

"Being chosen as the leader of my band of warriors comes as no surprise. I'm the obvious choice, y'know? But I don't think even_ I _could lead some of these creeps. Ivan scares me, Arthur's a moron, and Roderich… We're not even _into _the first day and he's already whining. I don't know if the rest of my crew can handle it…"

-/

Two miles deeper into the unbearably humid jungle, Rome suddenly stopped next to an ld Jeep, causing most of those behind to run into each other. Roderich groaned and stood up, dusting himself off.

"Surely Fiji isn't this big? We're going in circles!"  
"No, sorry. Actually, I hope you guys are still fresh; you've got a six-and-a-half mile hike from here to the campsite. Winners will obviously be the first team to cross the finish line. That tribe will get their first reward. Losers will be voting tonight. Don't get lost!" And with those encouraging last words, Rome hopped into the idling vehicle. "See you later!" he called as his assistant floored it. The last thing the nations heard was an ecstatic chuckle and then, "Not there, Mandy!"

Ludwig turned to Alfred. "How do you vant to split up?' The American chuckled and pointed at the double-arrow sign.

"Looks like you're going left. We'll handle the right. Good luck, bro!" He bounded down the path, closely followed by the other Saponi. Ludwig gritted his teeth.

"Come on, guys!" he called over his shoulder, motioning his own tribe forward.

-/

-Natalia (Belarus)

"I'm worried now. At first, Ludwig seemed like he'd be a decent leader – better than that silly American at least. But after seeing him falter into pure stupidity as the Saponi raced by, I'm not sure us Tutelo can risk having that buffoon lead us. I want to win as much as the next guy, but if we lose every challenge like I have a feeling we are… Ugh, if we lose this, I will personally make sure our 'leader' is the first one gone"

-/


	2. Let The Games Begin!

"Ludwig!"  
"Silence, Feliciano. It's just an ant." The German frowned, lost in thought. The Tutelo had come to a three-way split in the road and the only way to decide which way to go without leaving it up to chance was to answer a trivia question printed on a wooden sign correctly.

_How many kids belonged to the woman who had the most? 69 (left) 27 (straight) 45 (right)_

"Does anyvun know ze answer to zis question? Seriously, if you do, I'll give you a hundred bucks."  
One of the tribe, a rather short, dark-haired Japanese man named Kiku, stepped forward and studied the sign.  
"If my knowledge doesn't fail me, I have to say she had sixty-nine. In fact, she-"  
"Hold on, Nintendo," Antonio, a naturally jolly Spaniard, interrupted. He pushed past the other man and read the sign. After a moment he laughed.  
"Can't be sixty-nine. Rome probably just put it on there because he's too much of a perv not to." He chuckled, quite sure that he was correct. Kiku gazed at him calmly, almost, but not quite, sadly.  
"So what do you think is the answer?" he asked quietly. Antonio thought for a minute, glancing up at the sign every now and then.  
"Twenty-seven. If she started young and never stopped… Plus a few twins here and there."  
"Then she would have had more. Say she hit menopause at forty-five. You said young… Thirteen? Forty-five minus thirteen is thirty-two. Humans have a gestation of about nine months. So that's roughly one child per year. Throw in your twins and-"  
"LUDWIG!" Feliciano cried, dancing around brushing something off him. The Tutelo tribe looked down. Some screamed, others started stomping the earth. Ants, thousands of them, were swarming the group. While most were small, a few were as large as a pinkie finger. Amid all the noise, someone could barely be heard telling everyone to take the left path. The young Italian, now with some form of concrete direction, wasted no time in getting out of the insects' nest.

On the other side of the jungle, the Saponi were hitting the halfway mark and still going strong.  
"The guy who invented the atom bomb?"  
"You should know that, you bloody twat. Oppenheimer was your guy."  
"Do jellyfish evaporate?"  
"Aye mate, they're mostly water."  
"Who's this Roxas chick?"  
"Roxas is a man, aru. From Kingdom Hearts."  
"Canadian bacon, Mattie?"  
"It looks like ham."  
"Ivan?"  
"Da?"  
"Just checkin' up on you, bro."  
"No worries. I'm just back here talking with Eduard~"

-/

- Eduard (Estonia)

"Please help me."

-/


	3. And The Thunder Rolls

"Head count!" Alfred called cheerfully, though there was a collective groan from his tribe. He had done this twice since they'd started, and everyone was sure it had put them far behind. However, after everyone was accounted for, the group faced their last sign.

_Finish the song: Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder... How to make a martini (Straight) What you are (left) What Marcellus Wallace looks like (right)_

Alfred stood, staring at the sign. Roderich poked him, saying, "Hello? American? Why did you stop moving? It's dark and I'm tired. Also, I do not want to be eaten by mosquitos. It'd ruin my complexion."

Arthur snorted. "If you're so keen on getting the hell out of here, why don't you help us instead of whine about the bloody bugs? You're Austrian, your country practically invented music."

"And you're British. Your country practically invented scones. So why are they so disgusting?"

"I never said your music sucked!" Arthur yelled, diving at the Austrian. Roderich stepped lightly out of the way and threw a punch of his own at the other man, connecting and giving him a black eye.

"Stop, aru!" Both of the arguing men blinked in surprise as Yao stepped between them. "Punching each other's brains out is NOT going to get us out of here! Now calm down and we can figure out this puzzle, aru." He glared at them both before letting go of their wrists.

"I agree. We need to get out of here, and I suggest we hurry." Feliks chimed in, looking up. Indeed, the sky had darkened considerably since they'd started and it looked as though it might rain. Romano shivered.

"I hate storms. Come on, let's just get this over with before-" He broke off as a low rumble sounded and it started pouring. Hardly three seconds later, the world was illuminated as a sharp crack of lightning touched down barely a quarter-mile away. The entire group jumped and scattered like roaches, each divided group going down a seperate path.

* * *

**I should have apologized earlier for this big mess of OOC-shit. I don't even know if Romano hates storms or not, it just sounded good, and I'm not entirely sure if Austria would insult Iggy like that... OH WELL. :D -headbrick-**

**Live and learn, I must say.**

**My next fanfic, when I get around to it. Maybe. Will be much, much better.**

**BUT DON'T WORRY. Still plenty left in this bitch. c:**


	4. Not Gonna End Well

-/

- Kyle (Australia)  
"Yeah, so uhm... We all got spooked. I'll be the first to admit that running off like that was stupid, but oh well. Nothing to do about it now. To top off this incredible night, I ended up in a group with Ivan, Roderich, and uh... Dude, what's that guy's name? Alfred's brother? But that's a completely different issue."

-/

"'Ow much further, Ludwig? I do not zink my outfit can last much longer..." Frances, the absolute most overdressed person on Fiji, looked fearfully up at the rain that seemed (to him, at least) hell-bent on destroying his leather jacket. Even if he had come more prepared though, the Frenchman still hated the feeling of being cold and wet. WARM and wet, however... He grumbled under his breath and took out a handerchief from his pocket and, after violently wringing it out, placed it on his head.

"I do believe zhat zhis is zhe last question," the German replied, thankful that this whole ordeal was almost over.

_What year did the Prussia empire fall? 1985 (straight) 1947 (left) 1337 (right)_

As one, the entire Tutelo tribe looked at their self-proclaimed Prussian. Gilbert sighed, as if the question caused him physical pain. "Left," was all he muttered.

"Slow down, Roderich!"  
"Why? So I can starve? Freeze? Get eaten by some disgusting insect? No, thank you. The offer was appreciated though," he huffed, pulling his jacket tighter. "I never even signed up for this. When I got the call, I thought it was for that Donald Trump show!" The Austrian pushed aside an overhanging tree branch and walked even faster. Kyle looked after him in defeat. _There's just no reasoning with the man_, he thought. Ivan, however, chuckled merrily behind them and called out, "You know we took the wrong path, da? We needed to go left."  
Roderich stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Then why have you been quiet this entire time?"  
"Because you are so funny when you're upset~" The Russian laughed quietly for a moment, then sighed and turned back the way the group had come from. "But now the rain is getting on my nerves. We should catch up, da?"  
"Don't listen to him!"  
Kyle, Ivan, and Roderich turned in astonishment at the barely audible shout. Matthew gulped at the Russian's steady, creepy stare and the other's terrified looks. They knew what Ivan was capable of, yet the Canadian either didn't know or didn't care.

* * *

**Ohgodwhut? Why is Fiji cold? Because if it was warm, I couldn't have a little fun with France. :C We'll just call it an unusually cold wet season and leave it at that. Or maybe nations are just all wusses when it comes to temperature.**


End file.
